Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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