watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
