There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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