He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
