So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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