White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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