Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
