You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
