OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
