This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
