I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
