I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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