I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i already hear my dad disowning me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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