She's JV to your varsity
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
