Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
