he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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