I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
