she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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