So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
