im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
