You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize