Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
