Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
