...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
