Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize