Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
