Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
