I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
