She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
