Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
