Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
