I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize