Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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