i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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