Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
