Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
