oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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