he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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