I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
