I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
