I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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