I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
