guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I deserve this hangover.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
