Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Too much gin, very little bucket
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
