She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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