his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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