I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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