just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
