Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
