I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
