Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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