i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
