ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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