Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize