Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize