i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
