U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
