She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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