Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
