I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
