Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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