you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
