YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize