it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
