i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
