something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
