Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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