u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
