This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
