She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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