If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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