Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
