Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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