Can Purell be used as lube?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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