Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
