also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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